I've made a lot of comments here about my life that looks a lot like chaos. About my house that's out of control, my disobedient children, the disconnect with my husband and my halfhearted attempt at relationship with God. But do you get it?
I'm going to start with the details of my house.
My house is a disaster. It's trashed. It's cluttered and messy. It's unorganized. It's slowly getting better. I am not making excuses, I've explained how I came to this place. But I am constantly overwhelmed with the task of picking up the pieces of my life. Of dealing with the emotions related to living in such a condition. I realized this evening that I've not had company over since my daughter was born. I remember quite clearly, my in-laws visiting after the home birth. The house was a bit messy then and I was so embarrassed. Since then I have actually turned people who have knocked on my door away.
Some of the work being done here is painful. Some of the boxes I've been forced to deal with lately are full of my past. Of memories that cut me like a knife to the bone. I am trying to focus on the bigger picture. I know that a clean, orderly and decorated house will bring joy to my heart. Not because of the "things" in it but because it will no longer just be a house, it will someday be a "home." Yes, I've been married 8 years and I've never created a home. We lived in an apartment once and I hung pictures on the wall. That's about as close as I've ever come to having a home.
I want a home. I want a place that feels good to come home to. That shows my personality and inspires me. I want to wake up and smile instead of wishing I could lay in bed all day.
I'm a long ways from my goal but everyday, every load of laundry, box I go through, trash I take out and decorating decision I make? Is a little closer to my goal.
I was going to post my before pictures but I've decided that it will be better to post my befores with my afters. (Yes, the picture above is from my real dining room table)
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